Published inDoctor Funny·Aug 30Member-onlyI Had a Joke About an Exit Ramp, but It Was a Turn OffA collection of “I had a joke…” jokes — I had a joke about a TV remote, but it didn’t click. I had a joke about going to the gym, but it didn’t work out. I had a joke about an earthquake, but the premise was faulty. I was working on a sailing joke, but it didn’t come about. …Jokes2 min readJokes2 min read
Published inMuddyUm·Aug 27Member-onlySeventh Batch of Fifteen CartoonsMore proof I’m not in this for the money — When I came up with the title image, I was just waking up and in a semi-dream state. My allergy pill had worn off, and I was congested. I thought of aardvarks having a hard time breathing because their noses were stuck in a Chinese handcuff. It was dangerous for…Humor4 min readHumor4 min read
Published inMuddyUm·Apr 11Member-onlyNick of TimeMy Last Haircut — Locks of hair slip below my cap, like tendrils of time leaking from an antique wall clock. Time. Yes, it is time. Time for the absolute worst thing in the world. I need a haircut. Dental work and haircuts are both horrendous, but at a dentist, you aren’t expected to…Napwritingcontest2 min readNapwritingcontest2 min read
Published inMuddyUm·Apr 5Member-onlySixth Batch of Fifteen CartoonsThere’s no stopping me — Sometimes I express myself by making snowmen, or cartoons about snowmen. The first idea worked better in real life. It’s actually quite simple to make. The second idea was much easier as a cartoon.Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published inMuddyUm·Oct 5, 2022Member-onlyFifth Batch of Fifteen CartoonsThis will be the batch that makes me famous — You may be asking why I always publish fifteen cartoons at a time. The number fifteen must have some special meaning to me. …Humor4 min readHumor4 min read
Published inDoctor Funny·Sep 11, 2022Member-onlyChoking HazardWhat you eat could kill you — Choking1 min readChoking1 min read
Published inMuddyUm·Jul 25, 2022Member-onlyThe Biggest Spider in the World Lives in My HeadIt can live in yours too — We recently moved from the city to a rural location with no traffic congestion, an expansive backyard for the dogs, and the biggest spider we’ve ever seen. Not only was the spider huge, she was carrying all of her babies on her back. I posted a picture on our local…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published inMuddyUm·Mar 7, 2022Member-onlyFourth Batch of Fifteen CartoonsPlus two bonus cartoons cuz a couple of them suck — I came up with the feature cartoon while stuck behind one semi truck trying to pass another on a hill. One was going 45 mph, the other 46 mph. This provided plenty of time for the mind to wander. If I were to make more than $2 from this collection…Cartoon4 min readCartoon4 min read
Published inDoctor Funny·Jan 30, 2022Member-onlyMy Sex Robot is Set to the Wrong TwattageSometimes I just want to cuddle — She’s insatiable. I know it’s her one job, and it’s nice that she’s enthusiastic about it, but I just can’t keep up anymore. When I was younger, I didn’t mind when she woke me up at 3am for some rod and socket play. Like a good undertaker, she’d bury all…Comedy1 min readComedy1 min read
Published inMuddyUm·Jan 29, 2022Member-onlyOpen Mic NightThe Terror of Standup — This is a bad idea. I’ve had bad ideas before, but this is far and away the worst. The fact that I’m doing it while my wife is out of town and that I didn’t tell any of my friends is proof of the badness of this bad decision. I’m…MWC4 min readMWC4 min read
